Breaking up is hard. Getting over a breakup is even harder. Learn how to get over a breakup!
You feel crushed like your world has collapsed and your heart ripped out of your chest. You don’t know how to act, where to go; you feel lost.
You keep wondering how to get over a breakup.
You’ll find here plenty of practical tips on how to get over a breakup and how to heal a broken heart.
One thing is certain. It will pass.
In the end of the process, there will be times when you will meet your ex and you won’t feel anything. Except for a contented sensation that everything worked out as it was supposed to.
Table of contents
There are four phases you’ll need to go through:
This section will help you to understand what’s important to do in the first days after the breakup. You’ll start feeling better soon.
You’ll learn what you should and shouldn’t do in order to forget your ex fast and stop wondering how to get over a breakup.
This section will give you some ideas on how to heal a broken heart by making yourself better.
The moving on section deals with the most common questions about moving on part after the breakup. It will also suggest you how to get over someone with some useful tips.
After reading the steps and techniques, you’ll also see how to act in a specific type of a breakup.
In this article you’ll find plenty of useful techniques that will help you in getting over a breakup.
Now, here’s the first thing you’ll need to do if you wish to know how to heal a broken heart.
Phase #1: Deal with Emotions
A new study reveals that it takes about 11 weeks to get over a breakup. So, arm yourself with patience and start healing.
In general, you can use either of the methods, because it all comes down to one:
You should do whatever helps you to move on.
Here are some practical techniques for dealing with each phase of the healing process.
1. How to heal a broken heart by facing the reality?
Your relationship ended for a reason. Your ex obviously wasn’t your soulmate after all.
You might think that they are at this point, but you’ll have to be realistic about it.
If your ex was your soulmate, the relationship wouldn’t have ended in the first place.
2. How to deal with a breakup and stop hoping?
Hope, but for a future that exceeds your wildest dreams. Not for a reconciliation with your ex.
The sooner you stop every delusion about getting back together, the sooner you’ll be able to move on.
Don’t let yourself dwell on the past and miss whatever good is waiting for you in the future.
3. How to get over a breakup and go through the grieving phase?
There’s a lot of time and effort invested in your past relationship. At first, you’ll be feeling denial followed by anger and depression.
Once you deal with those, you’ll start to accept what’s happened.
Setting up a daily limit for grieving can help you not to get lost in it. As much as it can be good for you to accept all of those feelings, there’s a risk of them taking over your life.
Science says that a breakup causes real stress to our body. It’s equivalent to losing a close member of your family.
If you get stuck with anger or depression, get help.
See a therapist, or talk to someone else who can help you. It’s not healthy to hold on to bad emotions for a long time, you can get some of the psycho-somatic illnesses.
4. Have faith
How to get over someone and have faith when you still love them?
Believe that everything will come to its place.
It may be hard in the beginning to convince yourself, but repeat that thought many times a day, whenever you start sinking.
Let it be your mantra. Turn to religion, or law of attraction, find a way that helps you believe in better tomorrow.
5. How to deal with a breakup and forgive?
It’s not easy to forgive someone who has hurt you. But your ex isn’t the only one who needs forgiveness.
People tend to beat themselves over their failures. Don’t do that, it’s not your fault if something wasn’t meant to be.
Moreover, holding a grudge never ends up well. Instead, be thankful for the lesson you have learned.
6. Stop being a victim
Admit that it’s beyond your control. But you are not a victim here.
Bad things happen to good people on an everyday basis. You shouldn’t expect someone to be with you just to make you happy.
Let your ex move on and admit that they have a right to be happy, even if it isn’t with you. You would want that right acknowledged to you if it were a reversed situation.
7. Let your feelings overwhelm you
Of course, there’ll be moments when you stay alone and remember everything. Your ex will come to your mind. It may seem like
Some studies show that it’s even healthy to let your feelings to overwhelm you. When that happens, let it all out. Don’t hold it inside you.
Use those moments to reflect on your past relationship. Think of all the bad traits of your ex’s personality and all the ways they’ve wronged you.
Here’s a great way to do this and enjoy at the same time.
Take a vacation.
If you are not in a situation to do that, at least take a break from your everyday activities. Stay at home and give yourself time to heal.
Moreover, it will save you from having to explain people at work or at the gym what happened.
You are already feeling bad, talking about it in the first couple of days following the breakup will only deepen the void you feel.
8. Write your ex a heartbroken letter
You’ll never send it, of course. But you’ll feel as if you did.
Let it all out. Say everything that you wanted but now is too late. You’ll feel as if a burden has been lifted from your chest.
9. See a hypnotherapist
If after doing all this, you still feel overwhelmed by emotions and miss your ex, try hypnosis.
It can’t erase the memories, but it can help you control your emotions.
As soon as you have a thought of your ex, your subconscious mind will know how to not overreact and let the feelings overwhelm you.
Read more to see lots of useful tips on how to get over a breakup and move on.
Phase #2: Make your life ex-proof
If you don’t know how to get over a breakup when all you think about is your ex, science has an explanation. When you are in love, your brain releases a neurotransmitter called dopamine.
This same thing happens to drug addicts. That’s why you were feeling as one while you were together and you still do now that you’ve broken up.
It doesn’t matter if you are happily in love, or dumped, the process keeps happening. That’s why you have the urge to obsess over your ex once you aren’t together anymore.
Getting over a breakup is easier when you make your life ex-proof.
Here’s how to do it:
1. Remove what reminds you of your ex
All the gifts your ex gave you have to go. Not in a box where you can reach out and take them once you feel you can’t stand the pain. Throw them into the trash.
If you’re thinking:
I could just return those to my ex,
It’s an excuse to see your ex. If you do that, all the effort that you’ve put into getting over your ex will be ruined. You’ll have to start all over.
Moreover, you might walk into a trap of getting back together for a one night stand or an on and off relationship with your ex.
That’s going to cause some additional heartache and it’ll be harder later to shake-off.
So, if you’re still wondering how to get over a breakup by erasing your ex from your life,
Keep reading, because,
The next one is tempting:
2. Don’t visit places you went together
It’s hard to resist the urge when you know your ex will be there.
But for the time being, try.
It’ll spare you some pain. Getting over a breakup is hard as it is, you don’t need to make it harder.
There will be times later when you’ll be able to go there and feel nothing.
3. Don’t see their friends
In case you have some mutual friends, make sure that they know they shouldn’t talk about your ex in front of you.
Even better, distance yourself from them for now.
That way you won’t have to talk about the breakup a hundred times and they won’t have to choose sides.
Keep reading to see how to get over a breakup and move on
4. Don’t browse their social media profiles
Delete your ex from social media list of friends.
If you don’t, imagine seeing your ex’s photos from a night out hugging and kissing another person. That could happen quickly.
It doesn’t feel good even thinking of it.
That’s why it would be best if you delete your ex from all social media.
What to do if you don’t want to delete your ex from friends list?
If you still can’t do that, you don’t have to block your ex or erase them, simply unsubscribe.
Do that with your ex’s friends too, to avoid any photos of your ex popping up into your face every time you use social media.
Keep reading to see how to deal with a breakup and keep your privacy for yourself.
5. Don’t spill your beans all over the social media
People will want to know what’s happened and pick through your wounds.
In the end of the day, you are the one who stays alone with your pain.
No one else can take it instead. So, it’s best that you pretend nothing’s happened. Delete your ex’s photos so they don’t remind you and act normally.
6. Don’t talk about your ex and disect your breakup
Why is it important that you don’t mention your ex if you want to know how to deal with a breakup?
In the beginning, limit talking about your ex to only one or two persons. It can be a close friend or even a therapist.
Why you shouldn’t talk about your ex a lot?
Don’t let your breakup take over your life. If you talk about it less, you’ll have more time to do other things that will take your mind off your ex.
It’s not always possible to do that because everyone will keep asking you what happened. Your answer should be short.
After that, tell them to avoid mentioning your ex in your presence.
7. Don’t be friends with your ex
At least for now. There will be times in the future when you’ll be able to have coffee with your ex. But now, it will only hurt.
If you want to know how to deal with a breakup fast when you have to communicate, read more.
8. Limit the contact to what’s necessary if you can’t stop it
However, it’s not always possible to erase your ex from your life.
Maybe you work together or have children. In that case, keep the contact on the minimum and try to stick to the advice as much as you can.
Why you should avoid all the above-mentioned actions if you want to know how to get over someone?
All these actions will cause a dopamine reaction and the process will last longer.
This phase of dopamine caused addiction is of short breathe.
Once you start feeling the withdrawal, let’s call it that way, the part of your brain that’s responsible for inhibiting impulsive reactions steps in.
You just have to help it by doing a couple of things:
Phase #3: Work on yourself
After erasing all traces of your ex from your life, try to get back to your everyday activities as if nothing has happened.
All the while implementing above mentioned tips on how to get over a breakup fast.
If you spend time making your life filled with pleasures and increasing your self-esteem, with each passing day, you’ll feel less and less sorrow, until you’ve finally moved on.
You won’t even notice when that happens. You’ll finally stop wondering how to get over a breakup.
How to get over a breakup and continue with your life?
The first step should be this:
1. Buy a planner
Include some of the following activities. Make your day full.
You won’t have time to think about your ex.
So stop wondering how to get over a breakup and start working on it.
2. Rediscover who you are
How to get over a breakup by reinventing yourself?
It’s not rare that people in long-term relationships forget who they are.
With all the compromises you made, you’ve lost a piece of yourself along the way.
Think of all the things you stopped doing because your ex didn’t like them. Write them down and start doing them.
Reinstall that TV in your bedroom that your ex wanted out.
Eat in front of the TV if you stopped while you were with your ex because they insisted on having a proper meal at the table.
Reestablish every habit that you sacrificed for your ex’s happiness.
Those little pleasures make us who we are. You’ll feel like yourself as soon as you start implementing this and see all the benefits of being without your ex.
3. Sleep well
Don’t stay up all night, thinking about your ex and then wake up in the afternoon.
It leads to depression. If you can’t sleep, don’t take sleeping pills, rather find a more natural way to get back to your regular sleeping routine.
4. Lead a healthy lifestyle
Eat regularly and most important of all, don’t drink tons of alcohol to forget.
Alcohol and drugs are known by the fact that they just intensify your emotional state.
So, if you are feeling desperate and lonely, alcohol will make it worse.
Even though it can be good for your nerves to take a glass of wine after dinner, try to stay out of it. It’s probable that you won’t be able to resist drinking some more in the first days after the breakup.
5. Establish a morning routine
Living a routine is a good thing. It will keep you on the track.
This way you won’t stay in bed long, or stop taking care of your personal hygiene.
It’ll be easier to move on with a new routine.
Print yours and put it on your fridge and stick to it.
6. Work out
Is getting over a breakup easier with working out?
You’ll get all those negative feelings and energy out, and feel renewed.
Not only that, you’ll feel lighter and healthier. But also better, because you’re doing something good for yourself.
Start going to the gym, or workout more if you’re already doing that.
It will also increase your chances to meet someone who’s better for you than your ex.
7. Have a hobby
How to deal with a breakup through finding a new hobby?
Think of all the things you wished to learn how to do but never did. Now choose one and start.
Occupy yourself with new activities that make you feel contented.
8. Write a journal
Is getting over a breakup easier with writing a journal of emotions?
This way you’ll be able to identify all the negative thoughts. Hence, get rid of them once you know what they are.
Whenever you write down a negative prediction like: I’ll never meet someone like my ex,
also write why you think so. You’ll soon realize that’s not true.
There are so many people out there that are just like your ex, probably even better.
9. Find your mantra
How to get over someone with positive mantras?
Make it a habit of repeating several sentences that will reassure you that you don’t need your ex.
Here are some examples:
I am feeling great
I will be happy
I’m better off without him/her
I will meet someone better
Those will act like a placebo. Science studies on placebo show that it can work on emotional pain too.
10. Use music as therapy
How to heal a broken heart with music?
Music is a great outlet for emotions and it’s also associated with relaxation. That’s because it reduces the levels of stress hormone cortisol.
It would be best for you if you listen to positive music.
Something like this:
The Thing Things – „Shut up and let me go“
Lil Allen – „Smile“
Nicki Minaj – „Feeling myself ft. Beyonce“
St. Vincent – „Now, Now“
Katrina and The Waves – „I’m walking on sunshine“
But, by all means, if your taste in music is different, find out what makes you feel good.
11. Write a bucket list
This will motivate you to keep going. Looking forward to all the exciting things you are going to do is going to lift your spirit.
Do something different and shift your focus to where it should be – making yourself happy.
12. Be optimistic
There are lots of things that surround you that can make you feel grateful and optimistic.
With this in mind, spend time playing with your pet if you have one.
If that’s not the case, adopt one. It’ll fill the gap in your heart, and enrich your life.
Train yourself to express gratitude.
Make a journal of everything that made you feel good that day.
Ban negative thoughts from your brain.
As soon as you think of anything bad, count to ten and while you’re doing that start thinking of something that makes you feel good.
Keep reading to find out more about how to get over a breakup.
13. Renovate your home
How to heal a broken hear by changing your surroundings?
After the breakup, everything in your home will remind you of your ex.
Changing the scenery can bring a shift to your mindset.
Read home decor magazines, browse the internet for furniture.
Go shopping for that new armchair you’ve always wanted to have.
Buy a warm blanket and forget reality with some great series.
How to get over a breakup using meditation?
Meditation is proven to relieve your brain from overheating.
At this moment, it needs relaxation.
There are even techniques for self-hypnosis, which can help you change your negative subconscious thought patterns.
15. Aim to be better at work
It will give your life a purpose. Make a list of 10 goals to achieve in the next few months.
It can be a great motivation to keep going.
What’s best of all, you will be pleased with yourself when you achieve those goals and feel better.
Find your way out of the heartbreak by investing in yourself
16. Imagine your future
How to deal with a breakup by having a big picture in mind?
Think what steps you can take now that you couldn’t while you were in a relationship.
Move to another city
Have a cat
Pick a vacation place based on your own preferences
This will help you to stay motivated.
17. Take a course
Learn a new language or any skill that you take interest in. Your self-esteem is a bit low after a breakup, so this will help boost your self-confidence.
Keep reading to find out how to get over a breakup and finally move on.
Phase #4: Move on
When you finally feel ready, move on.
Get yourself out there and make your social life more interesting.
Moving on doesn’t only include dating. It means that you should go out and have fun.
Here are some suggestions:
1. Family time
How to heal a broken heart with family love?
If you are still not ready for dating, turn to your family. It’s the best way to get over someone.
Become the best aunt or sister or daughter in the world.
Your family is your safe place. It is going to meet your need for emotions and sense of being a part of something.
2. Go out with your friends
When people are in steady relationships they tend to neglect their social life.
Start catching up and go out with your friends. You never know, maybe a new love is waiting for you somewhere around the corner.
But you’ll have to get out there to meet it.
3. Have a one night stand
How to get over a breakup with a one-night stand?
Maybe you don’t feel ready, but this can be therapeutic. It doesn’t have to be sex, but flirting, kissing or just making out won’t make you feel regret or attachment.
Before you get into the adventure of a rebound sex, be aware that there is also a chance that person never calls you again. And since you are in a sensitive state of mind, it can be tricky.
You have to explain yourself that this has nothing to do with emotions and see it as a tool to heal faster. Nothing else.
Can anyone have a one night stand?
If you are an especially clingy person who falls in love easily, think twice before you do this.
Are you ready for a new relationship? Because that’s what’s going to happen if your one-night stand calls you.
Also, be careful not to overdo it. So, a one night stand can be good for you, but only if you don’t do it too many times.
You maybe don’t care what people think of you now when you just need something to make you feel good.
But think of your future, say a year from now. You’ll be sorry if during that past year you gained a bad reputation.
4. Be in a rebound relationship
How to get over a breakup with a rebound?
It doesn’t necessarily have to be a bad thing. It’s a great ego boost.
It will remind you that you are still desirable. Moreover, that there are more people out there just like your ex.
Anyway, it’s a great distraction from your ex.
But, you never know, maybe your rebound becomes a serious long-term relationship.
Most common types of breakups
Depending on the type of a relationship and a person you are, the duration of the healing process may differ.
It’s not the same if you were together for a couple of months or several years. Even worse, if you have children together.
Maybe you lived together or shared a pet that you both love. The combinations are countless.
The essence is that you’ll have to go through the process whatever the circumstances were.
Can you apply all these techniques to any type of a breakup?
Yes, you can. It’s up to you to choose from numerous techniques in this article and use them to feel better.
Here are several most common situations you can find yourself in and suggestions on how to act.
1. Long-term relationships
How to get over a breakup of a long-term relationship?
When you are in a long-term relationship, there are many more memories to forget and things that tie you together.
It can last a bit longer.
How to get over someone you loved so much? You can’t simply erase them from your life. After all, you’ve been sharing the good and the bad for years.
Implement all the techinques you find here to make it easier. Maybe it’ll take some more time, but like everything else in life, it will pass.
Don’t obsess over your ex and ponder on the reasons. It doesn’t matter anymore why you broke up.
Just make sure to remember the mistakes you made so you don’t repeat them once you fall in love again.
2. You have children with your ex
How to get over a breakup when there are kids involved?
A breakup is a breakup, and the pain is the same always. The only difference here is that you can’t stop every contact with your ex because of your children.
Another problem is that you have to stay friends. Your kids musn’t feel the animosity that you feel towards your ex in the first days after the breakup.
Which means you have to heal faster.
You cannot allow yourself to grieve anytime you feel you need to. You musn’t be angry at your ex in front of your children. They need to love both of their parents.
Maybe it’s a good thing, you’ll have to move on faster.
3. You both still have strong feelings for each other
How to get over a breakup when you still love each other?
Certainly, this is the hardest type of a breakup you can find yourself in.
It seems that it’s easier to get over someone who doesn’t love you anymore.
However, when you know that your ex still loves you but you can’t be together, it’s tough to accept the reality and let go.
The reasons for breaking up with someone who still loves you are numerous and they don’t seem as important when the breakup occurs and the despair steps in.
How to get over someone when you still love them?
Remember that you weren’t good together.
But, since the breakup occurred, it’s obvious that no matter you two love each other, the relationship wasn’t working.
Stay on the track, and don’t let your emotions cloud your judgment. The most important feeling you need to overcome is hope. Stop hoping immediately.
You were having an affair and loved each other, but decided that it’s best you stopped it.
Find the good sides of the situation. You would hardly ever have a normal future together and it wasn’t nice to the person you and your ex cheated on.
The process of getting over a breakup is the same as always. First concentrate on dealing with your emotions, than work on yourself and eventually move on.
The urge to stay friends will be stronger in this situation with both you and your ex. It important that you resist it.
4. Long-distance relationships
How to get over a breakup and move on after a long-distance relationship?
Long-distance relationships survive mostly due to the internet. So, there’s your solution.
Go through all the emotional phases you need to, but ban yourself from the internet for a while.
What are the benefits of not being in a long-distance relationship anymore?
- It’ll be a welcome break from technology.
After spending every second of your life texting, snapchatting and facetiming, you’ll finally be free to live your real life.
- You’ll be able to talk to your friends and stay concentratedwithout your phone interrupting you every 5 seconds.
And as much as your friends were understanding whenever you didn’t listen to them while you were in love, no one likes to talk and not be listened to.
So they will welcome their recently single friend with open arms.
- Also, you’ll save money. All those flights and hotel bills when you meet half-way are now history.
It’s especially important for this type of a breakup to delete all your ex’s numbers and social network profiles.
You’re so used to communicating that way, it’ll be hard to shake off if you don’t.
Now that you have read numerous ways to get over a breakup, start implementing them and be happy again. A new love is definitely waiting for you around the corner.